Keeping it real

The first step to take when considering to enter back into the world of dating is to develop a healthy and realistic attitude about what you can expect. Any date whether it is someone you meet by chance, online or through a professional matchmaker is merely a seed. The seed has the potential to grow into a mature plant but until that growth takes place, it is still a seed.

A date is simply a meeting that is meant to determine if you both could see yourselves spending the time and putting in the work that it takes for something to mature. Some people go into every date wanting it to quickly become a fully fledged mature and intimate relationship and unfortunately they end up feeling let down when it doesn’t amount to anything. Generally speaking, when the date doesn’t live up to their expectations, they either feel rejected or feel that they have wasted their time. Going into every date with the “this is the one” mindset will keep you on an emotional rollercoaster which will soon become exhausting. The trick is to treat each date for exactly what it is, a nice night out with someone you may or may not become friends or a romantic partner with.

So often I match people together and their compatibility, preferences, and interest match up great, however, they are wanting to date using the past, younger version of themselves, not who they are now. They remember when they could attract that twenty-year-old without a wrinkle or an extra pound, ignoring the fact that they are not as young or as fit as they once were. As a matchmaker, I hear from at least 50% of my clients about how young and attractive they are, and how their past partner was so thin, beautiful and active, which is great, however, they met them when they were much younger. Or I can have someone extremely successful and they feel that just because they are wealthy they should be able to get who they want. It doesn’t work like that now, my clients are all bringing something to the table and are not here looking for someone to take care of them, they are looking for love, compatibility, and companionship. I can introduce them to the person that they feel they deserve however if they could not attract them on their own, the seed will sit there in the ground without growth. The whole point of dating is to eventually find a companion that you can develop with. Not someone to have on your arm to make you feel better about yourself. Too often people have false confidence and the need for someone that looks a certain way to feel complete. Dating someone that is shallow will always lead to the same thing, replanting seeds later in life because no matter how hard we try, we can never stop the hands of father time. If you are struggling to find the right person, the first thing you need to do is reevaluate yourself and what you want. Everyone wants to feel chemistry when dating and there does need to be that level of desire there but you also need to be similar to what you are trying to attract for it to work. If you are looking for something and you are not able to make that connection, work on yourself and become that mirrored image. If you want someone fit, become fit. If you want someone active, be active. Do not live in a fantasy world and just tell yourself that you are those things, look at yourself and BECOME WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO ATTRACT.

If you base a relationship merely on how someone looks in a bathing suit or the lack of wrinkles on their face, you will not build a relationship that has a strong foundation that can go the distance. If you want a beautiful and hardy relationship, you must first plant the seed with someone that you can have deep discussions with, you laugh easily with, you share the same core values, interest, and passions with, you can see the inner beauty as well as the outer, and of course you are both in it for the right reasons.